Monday is laundry day for me...(yeah, I know this is friday - I'm thinking ahead! haha)

Well, with me I normally do 'my' laundry once (sometimes twice) a week (I'm blessed with enough clothes that I don't have to do laundry frequently)... Well, I don't know about you, but I know I'm a hard case for spilling stuff.

Q:  So what happens after all week, with a set in stain??

A:  You have to work like a dog to get it out! (or at the very least, call in reinforcements of SHOUT, or something of the like - stain remover, I mean)

Better yet, what happens if you don't treat it? It sets in.

This brings me to my point: Stains are pretty stubborn. Unforgiveness is a Spiritual Stain.

Some stains get set in, and some are very stubborn to treat; Others are easily removed. Same idea concerning "unforgiveness". Some attitudes of unforgiveness are easily remedied. That's because the extent of hurt involved is very little, or just superficial stuff... (like: 'Oops, I broke one of your glasses'....or 'I forgot to do this for you...')

Than there are those situations where relationships are destroyed, people hurt & manipulated, trust broken (alot harder to replace than a drinking glass!), and people's worlds are turned upside down...
That's the kind that take a little work.

These kind of stains require to be:

• "pre-treated with prayer"
•...soaked in God's grace
•...put through the wash of redemption

...and sometimes; if it's a really stubborn stain: Repeated process of cleansing.

In the world of 'Laundry', these are the items that would be simply disregarded, and disposed of, and replaced. In the world of people's lives; this of course, isn't possible. People are much more valuable than a simple article of clothing. And forgiveness is certainly worth the effort. Afterall, if we claim we are Christians and yet, do not exhibit love (to others! Irregardless of what they have done to us) - than we are the ones with the BIG problem!

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." 1 John 4: 7,8

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation." 2 Corinthians 5:17-19 

I've had to remove some pretty tough stains in my life, and I'm grateful to God because he's better than anything else for helping us get those tough stains out!)

I laugh, when I think about it...because some people think grass, or grease are the worst kind of stains...Unforgiveness is definately the worst kind.

On a bright note, I think God is getting me close to moving on to a *new day*

I know my challenge is unforgiveness. I'm confronting it right now, and I pray that God will give me the complete Spirit of forgiveness so that this stain doesn't permanently ruin my 'robes of white'

Afterall, I can't very well call myself a Christian, and claim to be 'Whiter than snow' if I'm sporting the sin of unforgiveness.

I want to be blameless in HIS sight.

I present this question from Psalm 15:1, and the answer found in verse 2,3... 

 "LORD, who may dwell in your sacred tent?
   Who may live on your holy mountain?

The one whose walk is blameless,
   who does what is righteous,
   who speaks the truth from their heart; 
whose tongue utters no slander,
   who does no wrong to a neighbor,
   and casts no slur on others; "

marshmallow dreams to all. heavy topic for me, but at least I feel as if I'm making progress.  )

If I had a dime for the number of times that I've sighed in the last couple of days, I'd be rich.

It appears I'm dealing with a spurt of depression at the moment. I've cried and cried - - - and do you know what? I've cried that much, I'm numb. Seriously! numb.

I realize it's most likely that God is calling me to himself right now...and for whatever reason, I am withdrawing from everyone else. I do this simply because I don't feel as if I'm fit to be around. I'm toxic emotionally. I blame my condition for a couple of my friends who are pretty drained right now. I am feeling somewhat deserted though, by someone else - Someone who I think is being a selfish twit. She only calls when she wants something.

There are days when I get tired of battling, and all I want to do is lay down and sleep. There are days when I feel so cornered that all I want to do is drive, and drive! There are days when all I can do, is hide away and cry.

It seems nobody cares right now. I say "SEEM" because I do know the difference.

My prayer is right now, for God to send someone into my life to help me - - - - and actually, my prayer is more! But I won't go into that speel right now.

Depression sucks

It's interesting what sites you come up with when you google "Wounded Sheep". I just done so, and one of them was this site:  http://www.etpv.org/2001/healar.html

After reading this specific article, I wandered back to the Home page - I can't say a whole lot about the site overall, but my attention was drawn to the article. I thought to myself, "Here's another person who've had a very negative encounter with a shepherd of the flock"

but hey, what do I know??

In these days, I'm trying to let go of the victim mentality. It's hard. I'm trying to move on....and God willing, I'll get there.

Blessings,

Crimson

Today is a boo hoo day. It's a day when I want to sit down with lots of chocolate, and eat...and cry. Boo Hoo days suck. I feel so depressed. I'm lonely. I feel like going out and doing something really stupid, which I know I'd regret later. I wish I had someone here to cheer me up. I wish I was out having a good time right now. I wish, I wish!!!!!

AHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HHHHHHHHHHHHHH

CrAzY dAy.

I'm probably like alot of people on here. I have more than one blog...some blogs I reveal my identity. Some is strictly annonymous. Welcome to the masked blog.

First, let me get this off my chest: some people should practice what they preach! It disgusts me when someone can treat another human being like they are litter...and than, speak "LOVE" out of the other corner of their mouth.

Okay - rant #1 complete.

Moving on...

It's very hard being an extended member of a family which currently has a messy relationship breakup in progress. Your hands are tied. You see the "selfishness" on the part of both of the parties in question...you witness the devastation to the lives of the children...you hear the frustration of other extended family members (you know, the whole wires getting crossed - - - - people's opinions surfacing and the battle of 'Should or Shouldn't you pick sides?")

Yet - you can do nothing. so what do you do to maintain your sanity??

Pray, I guess. Pray for God to intervene in a miraculous way.  Pray that the couple in question don't tear each other apart. Pray the children involved are shielded from lifetime scars. Pray that the couple will eventually see past their own nose.  The two in question are both EXTREMELY STUBBORN, both are coming from dysfunctional and abusive backgrounds, and both are EXTREMELY selfish.  Priorities totally messed up the whole way around. Really - What about their children? What about their well being? How long before one person gives? At this point in time, they both have their heels dug in and all they are doing is subjecting the children to more and more toxic behavior......

That makes Rant #2.

Next...

I'd never get into specific details on a public blog - simply because you never know who's reading this...but boy, I tell ya this has been one rough ride! From being ostracized - - - and thankfully, having new doors open....to trying to rebuild trust....to having to watch a devastating situation unfold and yet be helpless to do anything constructive about it....to having to endure watching others get destroyed....

May I say unequivically:  "YUCK"

I've been doing a little bit of thinking tonight... about my call to ministry, and my roadblocks which currently are erected firmly in front of me.

If Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead; and "restored" him to health, than is there anything really saying He can't do that with me? In layman's terms, in terms of restoration; bringing someone back to life is pretty much the biggest miracle that ever be accomplished - - - I know it's going to take a miracle for me to be freed from the sense of oppression that I feel. It'll take a miracle for me to be able to proceed with F/T ministry after being subjected to the things I have in this past year.

AND YET:  I feel a twinge of optimism bubbling up inside of me.

"Can He?!!!"

"He can!  He can!!"

If God can bring a human being back to life  (which for those out there who might be reading this - He certainly can!) than why can't he restore a Christian who've been burned? Why can't He purge the mental vomit that oppresses one of his servants from proceeding with what He has asked in the first place?

in simplest terms:  Why can't He put Satan in his place?

ANSWER:  He can.  )

Well, i haven't forgot about my dear ol' blog. Although, I do admitt it goes in phases for me - wanting to write...than not.

Well, I've moved.  YAY!!!!

God is providing my needs.  YAY!!! (as if there were any doubt)

I'm still being challenged on the whole forgiveness thing. (yes, i admitt, I am not perfect. Devastating news, I realize....lol....but who'd have thought it??)

i like my job. i'm adjusting well. but i admitt i'm a little bored, and a little lost in the department of where to spread my wings to. I'm working at a different job, and that's all well and good...but i'm hungering to do something a little more.

i need to make up my mind by January.

i'm giving myself the fall to unwind. Let's hope i don't get caught in a slump. could happen, you know...i'm prone to it.

hope all is well with bloggy land readers.

Marshmallow dreams to all.

Crimson.

Well, my time is getting short now - I'll soon be off to my new place.  You might say I'm a little bit happy....okay, i'm alot happy!!!!!

Admittedly, I'm a little too anxious though. This week seems like it'll never end.

I've been checking out routes...googling map routes, etc because I have to get use to the city. I'm procrastinating on packing simply because apparently, I hate packing! Who'd have guessed! LOL

But i must say: It's good to "feel" happy. It's been an extremely difficult year, and I'm not niave enough to think that this transition won't have its challenges, but I'd much rather face these type of challenges than the traumatic stuff I've been encountering.

THANK YOU LORD, for delivering me from my own personal hell. THANK you for opening the door of opportunity up for me. I know I would have end up having a nervous breakdown if something never happened to change my predictament for the better....so I am eternally grateful for the new job...the fact that I'm being physically in a different area than all the drama...and for your hand of provision!!! [THANK YOU LORD!!!]

okay - so that's about it for me tonight. I'm gone.

Well, it's been an eventful couple of weeks...and if nothing else, it's bears witness to the fact that God never puts on us more than what we can bear. quite the turn-around....Where to begin>?

First of all - Just when I think I'm reaching my complete limits, God turns my situation around. After a major dissapointment with the school sponsoring concept; I applied for a job in town as a Home Care worker - - -

Guess what! I got it. 

Now, because of this job; I will be moving.  "THank you God!!!!"

Yay! Clear all the garbage that went on within the church...Clear the people who've burned me so bad...Clear the constant replaying of the whole situation....Clear all the inuendo and remarks....clear all the black sheep treatment...Clear the constant fiscade of FLUFFY Christians, or as I like to refer to them as: "Lemon Meringue Christians"

Lemon Meringue because: They are a little tart like the lemon (not to mention acidic) and they appear to be all sweet, and the real deal; when they are nothing more than just ALL FOR SHOW (like Meringue on a pie)

I really have to pray about my own attitude. As you can tell, still alot of residual hurt.

Anyway, back to my good news.

this job brings opportunity of me getting involved with MY new church...it brings opportunity for me to start working towards a degree (to pursue my education)...and of course, as I've already mentioned: It gives me opportunity to get space; much needed space.

I'm a little nervous. Alot grateful.

It's truly my 11th hour miracle...because it happened last minute, and God delivered me from an impossible situation. I really don't know what I'm in for, in the next few months...but whatever the case I'm going to try it.

Crimson.